What to Do When Labor Starts: A Step-by-Step Guide for Dads

This is the guide to read twice before the due date and once more when she says “I think this might be it.” Bookmark it, along with the contraction timer.

Step 1: Is this real labor?

According to ACOG, true labor contractions:

• Come at regular intervals.
• Get closer together over time.
• Get stronger.
• Continue no matter what she does (walking, resting, changing position).

False labor (Braxton Hicks contractions) tends to be irregular, doesn’t get steadily stronger, and often eases with rest, water, or a change of position. Other signs that labor may be starting include the “bloody show” (mucus tinged with blood), lower back pain that won’t go away, and the water breaking.

If you can’t tell, call. Labor and delivery nurses take these calls all day.

Step 2: Know the “call right now” list

Whatever the contractions are doing, call her provider or the hospital immediately if:

• Her water breaks, especially if the fluid is green or brown.
• There’s bleeding heavier than spotting.
• The baby is moving less than usual.
• She has a fever, a severe headache, vision changes, or constant severe pain.
• She’s under 37 weeks and having regular contractions (preterm labor).

In an emergency, call 911.

Step 3: Time the contractions

Use the contraction timer. Tap when one starts, tap when it ends. It measures:

• Duration: start to end of each contraction.
• Frequency: start of one contraction to the start of the next.

Many providers use the 5-1-1 rule for first babies: contractions about 5 minutes apart, lasting about 1 minute, for 1 hour. Some use 4-1-1, or earlier rules for second babies, long drives, or medical reasons. Ask her provider at a late appointment and write the answer down.

Step 4: Early labor at home

For first babies, early labor can last many hours (Mayo Clinic). Hospitals often prefer you to labor at home until contractions are closer together. Your job in this phase:

• Rest. If she can sleep between contractions, let her. You should sleep too.
• Hydrate and fuel. Water and light snacks, if her provider allows.
• Move. Walking, swaying, a birth ball, a warm shower.
• Comfort. Counter-pressure on her lower back, hip squeezes, slow breathing together.
• Prep. Bags in the car, phone chargers, car seat check, pet care arranged.
• Keep it calm. Dim lights, few visitors, phones down.

Step 5: Call and go

When the pattern matches her provider’s guideline, call first (unless told otherwise). They’ll tell you whether to come in. Then:

1. Grab the bags and the folder (IDs, insurance card, birth preferences).
2. Drive safely. Rushing doesn’t make the baby come faster, and a crash is worse than anything.
3. Use the entrance you scouted. At night, it’s often different.

Step 6: At the hospital

You’ll usually go to triage first, where a nurse checks her, the baby’s heart rate, and the contractions. If she’s in active labor, you’ll be admitted. If not, you may be sent home to labor longer. That’s common and not a failure.

Once admitted, your role is support and advocacy:

• Stay close. Hold her hand, keep the water cup full, wipe her face.
• Help with comfort. Position changes, counter-pressure, breathing, encouragement.
• Know the pain relief options so you can help her decide in the moment. See ACOG.
• Ask questions when things change: “What are our options? What happens if we wait?”
• Handle the outside world. You’re the only one texting anyone, and only when she says so.

Step 7: Pushing, birth, and the first hour

When it’s time to push, you’ll be told where to stand and how to help: holding a leg, counting, encouraging. Then, often suddenly, there’s a baby.

In the first hour, many hospitals encourage immediate skin-to-skin contact with the birthing parent. You may be asked if you want to cut the cord. If the baby needs a quick check, you can usually go with them while her care continues.

Take a breath. Look at your kid. You just did it. Next: the hospital stay and going home.